So, you might have noticed I'm not doing a lot of Movie Reviews this year. Basically, I've found that I enjoy writing editorials more and they get more views so I decided to step away and take a break from movie reviews. Really, it's a good thing though because after a hundred reviews you kind of start to run out of ways to say things like "This animation is Bad" or "These characters aren't interesting", so really editorials are just easier to write as well. I mean, is there any kind of animation that is so abysmal, so poorly-constructed, so infamous that it could not only reinvigorate my need to be a critic, but also offend me on such a deep level that I can actually be pissed off at what is ultimately an inoffensive and mostly harmless movie? I mean, what kind of movie would exist that is both harmless and completely offensive? It would have to be something so cheap, so poorly made, so transparently blatant that I would have no choice but to review it, but a movie like that could never exist right? Every one who works in any artistic field has to have some amount of love and passion for what they do, even if it doesn't always end up with a good product. Anyway, this is my review of the Dingo Pictures movie Dinosaur Adventure.
And yes this movie qualifies for a review, it's a "technically" review since the movie is under an hour, but over forty minutes.
This is usually where I would recount the plot. So, a young dinosaur hatchling is forced to go to a dinosaur class where they learn that a volcano is about to erupt and destroy their homeland. Nobody believes the teacher, and then the volcano erupts and destroys their homeland, so the last half of the movie is the dinosaur hatchling, their teacher and another friend looking for dinosaur survivors, including the hatchling's parents. Pretty basic plot right? It is, and you know what else it is? So very ungodly boring. Like I was watching this movie with a friend, and I was zoning out so many times because the movie was just so boring, not that it does any good to zone out because by my friend's words, the movie is full of the characters standing around and doing nothing but talking, very little is shown to progress the plot, everything has to be explained verbally. If you are not paying any attention, or you don't have any audio because you're watching this over a Discord call, you might miss some information. Granted most of the information is absolute filler, but you might miss something.
Of course, you may also miss something because of the awful audio mixing and voice acting. I have heard awful voice acting before, but Dingo Pictures productions really take the cake. It really does sound like they pulled random people out of their offices, gave them one take to record something and didn't bother giving them any directions. It also hurts a lot that a lot of the actors speak so softly that they are almost whispering sometimes, it is not too bad in this movie, Animal Soccer World is far worse in that regard because the voice tracks absolutely get drowned out by the music track in that one, but second worst is not that much better. Speaking of Animal Soccer World, the music is lifted right out of that animation. I bet they reuse that music in other productions too, because why bother getting a cheap keyboard at a second-hand store and futzing about on it?
I will give the movie this over Animal Soccer World, it looks somewhat, maybe even partially better. The animation is horrible, some characters look traced from other properties (Cough, The Land Before Time, Cough), some character designs are just absolutely baffling, lip-sync is almost non-existent, There is a scene with a realistic dinosaur skeleton just photoshopped into the environment, movement is stilted, and sometimes the characters heads just vibrate because... animating laughter is hard. However, everything in this movie mostly looks like it belongs, you're not going to get a dalmatian and a jungle panther standing next to a duck biker gang for instance. Still, that may be a knock against this movie because it is absolutely nothing special to look at, like most of the scenes are filled with nothing and are completely barren to look at. Animal Soccer World at least, I can't believe I'm writing this, retained some interest, even if that interest was just by wondering what could be stranger than an anthropomorphic bird in a trench coat or cheerleader pigs.
I mean, you knew all this right? This movie and company are notorious thanks largely to memes. They are worse than Golden Films, WowNow Entertainment, The Asylum, arguably even worse than Vídeo Brinquedo. Is that really fair though? It's not like they're making anything that is genuinely harmful or offensive, they just make cheap kids movies right? Wrong, they make cheap, soulless, transparent cash grab kids movies. I'm fairly certain showing this movie to children counts as child abuse and a violation of the Geneva Convention, and I'm not even being facetious when I say that because watching this movie was torture. I Have never had such an unpleasant movie viewing experience in a long time, and the fact that this movie is just a transparent attempt to swindle people into buying a movie because it looks like another movie, or has something that kids might like on the cover. That is what offends me, that they could not even pretend to care about the movie they were making.
I have said it before that I have less respect for those kind of "-Lite" knock-offs, you know movies like The Swan Princess or Quest for Camelot, movies which are very clearly knock-offs but they have a budget and are released theatrically. I said that I have less respect for those movies than direct-to-video mockbusters, largely it is an elitism thing, I think that there is more meaning and prestige to a movie that gets released theatrically and putting a prettied up mockbuster in theatres is just kind a waste. The truth is I don't really have respect for either, but direct-to-video releases are easier to ignore. Still, I think this might be the least respectable movie I've ever seen, it is also the least good, least entertaining and least redeemable movie I have ever seen. The mere existence of this movie offends me, which is not something I can say about The Misty Green Sky, yes, this movie is worse than The Misty Green Sky. At least that movie had ambition, ideas, I'd even argue passion. Do I even need to say it? This movie gets the rating of "AVOID".
And I didn't even watch the Italian version with the "Yee" meme, I watched the English dub!
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