How do I even start this review? No, seriously, how do I even start it? The amount of movies out there is so vast, so numerous, that you're going to come across something that piques your curiosity, and the chances of you coming across it in the wild is slim. So, when I first heard of this movie on Letterboxd, I knew it was something I had to check out, and when I came across this movie on Tubi, I knew I had to watch it and give it a review. I do love finding obscure, under the radar, practically ignored or forgotten movies, because they're usually a special kind of bad that you just don't get from your typical mainstream blockbuster. Especially in the realm of animation, you don't need a large budget to make an animated production, but it does help quite a bit, and we've seen cases where the production just was not completely there, the Hercules & Xena movie I reviewed way back when being a very notable example, to the point where it is my benchmark for movies that I feel are "so bad they're good". I frankly did not expect anything phenomenal, or even really that good, but this movie, my goodness this movie has exceeded my expectations, it may actually be worse than that Hercules & Xena movie.
What is the plot of this movie? That is a very good question, an excellent question. From my understanding, a young woman by the name of Emma Dante wants to find some answers about the planet she lives on... maybe? At first, they build up a sort of mystery about the planet she lives on, then almost out of nowhere they start hinting that she wants to be the wife of the person that "runs" the planet, only to reveal a deeper conspiracy about the planet and it's relationship with Earth. Frankly it was difficult to follow any kind of plot in this movie because there were just so many scenes that go nowhere. There's a scene in the opening where Emma is looking through the ruins of an old village, and for no reason we cut to a dog. This dog isn't even attacking or chasing after Emma, it does not appear after it walks off screen, we just get a shot of a poorly textured dog running towards the camera because... reasons. There is an entire filler scene of a robot playing some piano program and it serves no purpose for the plot, there is a scene where Emma comforts a friend of hers that establishes something that is fairly inconsequential, really this movie might as well just be two different movies chopped up and sewn together in random places to make something that vaguely resembles a functioning plot if you squint at it.
It also doesn't help that the only character we really get is Emma, sure we have other characters, but they only exist in the movie for one scene at the most, so we're only following Emma, and she's not an interesting character, and I think on some level the writer knew that because... Well this movie is kind of sexist. Every female character is either dressed in a skin-tight outfit, or is scantily clad, Emma spends most, if not the entire second half of the movie in nothing but panties and some kind of sports bra. One character even only had nipple coverings to cover her chest. Like, I appreciate some sex appeal, but when I watch a movie I do want a little bit more than the characters to look attractive, I want them to have... y'know, actual character. Honestly, I don't even think she's that attractive, and that is entirely to do with the animation.
You know, I'll give that Hercules & Xena movie some credit, it was 2D animation, and bad 2D does not look nearly as bad as bad 3D animation. The character models all look generic, like they were made as part of a basic starter kit for some game design or 3D animation software. Outside of outfits and hair, the female characters don't really have any identifiable differences, and Emma floats to get in and out of a ship, I'm guessing it's some kind of futuristic technology, because someone does walk onto a ship at the end of the movie, but it is not established. Facial animations are the worst I've ever seen, even worse than Silver Circle, lip syncing is completely off, character actions don't always match what they're supposed to be doing, like one character is supposed to be crying, but her face does not convey that emotion at all. Also, a few scenes are literally pitch black, the stock fire effects don't mesh with the rest of the movie, and several scenes are just coated in terrible effects, like that Robot Piano scene I mentioned early, it's just filled with visual effects, and a Mighty Joe Young reference because... reasons, and towards the end there is a flashing light effect that may be too much for people with epilepsy or other light sensitivities. Frankly, there is not enough time to go over every single animation error.
If only the voice acting and music were any better, but nope. The voice acting is all amateur, and in this case I think most of it can be blamed on lack of proper direction. It really does sound like the director just got his friends to record some lines in their bedrooms, and one of the recording mics was very obviously a lower quality than the others, which says a lot because the audio equipment sounded very low quality. I'm pretty sure YouTubers at the time had better microphones. It doesn't help that the music is also very stock, like I wouldn't be shocked if the music for this movie was from Kevin MacLeod, though then again I might be because his music is actually more interesting. Music cues are also generic, and I know I've heard a lot of them in other places, plus, some of them are just misplaced. Like there some tense music cues that build-up to what should be something shocking, startling, worrying, but no they just build up to nothing. That is not how music cues work!
So, this movie is really bad, right? Without a doubt, this might actually be the worst movie I've ever had to watch for this blog, it is the perfect double whammy of a bad movie, poorly made and lacking in any good or enjoyable qualities, which kind of makes it the perfect movie to watch for a bad movie night. Honestly, I'm torn, there is a level where I can recommend this movie, I mean it is up there with Hercules & Xena or The Barbie Diaries as a movie that is perfect for a bad movie night with friends to just laugh at, but at the same time I kind of want to recommend other bad movies instead, those Goodtimes Entertainment and Video Brinquedo knock-off movies, some of the Disney direct to video sequels, there are way better movies to watch for a bad movie night, so even on that level I can't recommend it. I mean, I cannot give it any other rating than Avoid. Tubi is full of weird stuff, explore it at your leisure.
This abomination came out the same year as Moana, which is 1000 times better than this.
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