Anybody remember those cheesy live-action shows about Hercules and Xena from the 1990s? They had Kevin Sorbo and Lucy Lawless as the lead roles and all the stuff? Well, those shows were a bit before my time, so I don't have any memory of them, I don't even know if they were cheesy, I just kind of assume they are because, you know 90s action show pre-Game of Thrones, TV budget and what not. Well, in 1998 (my VHS says 1997 but all other sources say 1998), there was a direct to video animated feature starring both of the legendary warriors, and quite frankly, one would have to be told it was from the 1990s.
After Zeus takes Hercules' mother to Mount Olympus, Hera, in a fit of rage, decides to summon the four titans to dethrone Zeus and the other gods. Hercules and Xena must get to Mount Olympus, defeat the titans and save the world. The plot is simple, and they try to give more to it by adding in subplots like Xena's friend being turned into a giant eagle, or Hercules thinking Zeus kidnapped his mother. Wile saying these subplots go nowhere would be wrong as they both play big parts in the story, the only thing they really lead up to is a boring song part way towards the climax. However, simple plots are fine in any movie, as if you boil down any movie to the bare basics you get a simple plot, what really drives a good story are the characters.
While I don't know a lot about the shows that Hercules and Xena originated from, most of the characters in this movie are bland and cookie cutter. Zeus is Zeus, imagine any incarnation of Zeus and that's basically what you have. They try to give him some humanity, but I'm fairly sure that there are other incarnations that do this better. Xena's friend Gabrielle has little character, spending most of the movie as a giant eagle, and Hercules' friend Iolaus, is kind of annoying. None of these characters were really interesting enough to want to follow them on their journey, even when they were in battle, I was mostly browsing Tumblr waiting for something else to happen.
As for the gods and titans, they're about as cookie cutter as a Wal-Mart baking isle. Of the massive pantheon of Greek gods, they went with five gods total, Zeus, Hera, Artemis, Aphrodite and Ares. The only one to get any real character is Aphrodite and they give her a hippie, surfer, spirtualist character that is kind of annoying. The titans are generic rough and tough bad guys and Hera is a generic villain, right down to her evil plan being to take over the world. Quite frankly, Kid Icarus Uprising couldn't come fast enough.
As alluded to prior, this is a musical, and of the musicals I have scene, this one is one of the worst. There are three songs in this movie, and the only one that was palatable was the opening song, but that doesn't mean it was good. The titan's song is generic and repetitive and Xena's song (Because of course the main female character has a song) is a slow, boring and bland ballad. There's no real "Hakuna Matata" or "Goofy Goober Rock" or even a "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" in the movie, no musical piece that really stands out. Even the background music is kinda generic in this movie, half the time I didn't even notice there was any background music.
But none of that is what makes this movie dated, well it is, but this movie straight up looks dated. The animation and art-style look straight out of the 1960s. I knew that direct to video movies were cheap, and I've seen some really cheap looking movies, but this is the worst of them. Golden Films at least look like they belong in the 1990s, Disney's direct to video movies look better. I have never seen this kind of problem before, this movie was a 1990s production, and it pulls all the same cost-saving corner cutting that cartoons in the 60s and 70s did.
Backgrounds are two solid colours, character movement is stilted, I don't even think I've ever seen a character move and talk at the same time. Lips won't move when they can get away with it, and some movements are way too fast. It's kind of a movie you have to see to believe, especially when it comes to the facial animations. Seriously, the movie's facial animations are terrible, and hilariously awful. Character's often have goofy and exaggerated expressions and some of these faces are quite frankly meme worthy. Seriously, if you're a meme creator, I recommend this movie just so you can get stills of the characters' faces.
Other than that though, the movie is a mess. Bland characters, a simple story, generic music and some seriously dated animation that make this movie look older than it actually is. It's not even an interestingly bad movie, as a lot of the movie is forgettable and boring. If it was actually a worse movie, I might actually slightly recommend it, but it's not even so bad it's good, it's just a bland, out-dated mess of a movie that is not worth remembering, let alone watching.
No comments:
Post a Comment