First Impressions: Playmobil: The Movie (2019)

I am just gonna come out and say it right now, this movie is worse than Arctic Dogs, it is worse than Secret Life of Pets 2, I will even say that it is worse than UglyDolls. No exaggeration, this is possibly the worst animated movie of the year.

Did you know that in some countries this movie was released in the summer? Yeah, us in the west had to wait until the last few dregs of 2019 to watch this stinkfest, and no, the wait was not worth it. Tom Petty said the waiting was the hardest part, but sadly, watching this movie was the hardest part.

Actually, the hardest part was having to acknowledge that I was not the only person in the theatre for this showing, so, this movie has that over UglyDolls, more people came to the showing I sat in at, which was sad because this movie was terrible.

So, why is this movie worse than UglyDolls?

Well, UglyDolls, as atrocious as it was, at least knew what it wanted to be. It wanted to be a movie that marketed a soundtrack, and a message. What does Playmobil want to be? It wants to be The LEGO Movie, which is why it is more like Jumanji than the Lego Movie. It wants to have the same kind of adventure, so it thrusts us into worlds with no rhyme nor reason. At least the Lego Movie, had some kind of in universe barriers. It wants to be UglyDolls with a marketable soundtrack that... I'm gonna be honest, I completely forgot about the songs as soon as they were over. The only song I remembered was Rex Dasher's theme, and that is because it sounds like the Pepsiman theme.

Also, the plot really pisses me off. So what is the plot. While a young child is estranged from a busy relative who is taking on a parental role...

Have you seen Hook? Lilo and Stitch? Christopher Robin?

In Lilo & Stitch, the problem wasn't that Nani was working too much. In Christopher Robin, the problem wasn't solved by Christopher quitting his job, and in Hook... Well, it was entertaining.

Seriously, this is a young adult, college age, having to take care of a younger brother after their parents died, and the movie treats her like she isn't doing her hardest to make sure they can live to see tomorrow in decent living.

"We need to have fun"

Kid, if your sister was just having fun, you would be starving to death, and bored enough you would probably appreciate the outcome.

You know what... UglyDolls, I'm sorry. I am truly sorry for wanting you to flop. If I knew this movie was going to be this bad, I would have cut all of that out from my post.

On top of that, the song numbers are unnecessary, the plot is predictable, the jokes fall flat, characters literally leave and then show up at the literal final moment. This movie is garbage, the only good thing about it, is that it is out alongside Frozen 2, so go see that instead. I don't care if you think it is unnecessary, I don't care if you've heard it was a retread, if your choices are this, Arctic Dogs or Frozen 2, it should be a no brainer.