Good or bad, Fixed is important.

Okay, this is going to be a short summary of my thoughts on a certain topic. Recently the Genndy Tartakovsky adult animated feature film "Fixed" was released and prior to that it had a large group of detractors. People were calling this movie "Sick", comparing Genndy to John K, and all around making a lot of claims about this movie and how depraved and degenerate this movie was.

Full disclosure I have not seen Fixed as of yet, I have been really slacking in my job this year, but regardless, this is not a post about the quality of the movie, rather about how I think a movie like this is important. What is the one thing I always say about animation in stories like this, "There is a stigma towards animation", I say that because animation is constantly being pigeon-holed as "Children's entertainment", and this doesn't just mean viewers dismiss it as "Low art", it also means that companies disregard it because "It's just for kids, nobody cares". If AMC treated Breaking Bad as badly as Nickelodeon treated... literally any of their cartoons, but for example sake let's say Legend of Korra, chances are they would not have gotten away with it.

Of course the question is, "How do we destigmatize animation?" and the answer to that is really simple, but also really complicated. For the most part, animation fans are doing alright, supporting "K-Pop Demon Hunters" and "The Day The Earth Blew Up" is absolutely how we should do it. However, let's not (For want of a better word) kid ourselves, these are movies meant for kids, maybe older kids, maybe young teens, but still meant for younger audiences. Animation is never going to leave the stigma behind if the only things coming out in animation are predominately meant for kids and young teens. We need more adult animation, and I mean beyond X Rated pornography, and South Park and Family Guy clones, or even online content. We need proper mainstream adult animated properties, especially feature films.

This is not to say that adult animated features are exceedingly rare in this modern day, we see things like "Cheech & Chong's Animated Movie" or "Anomolisa", but are those "Mainstream" or are they more of a "If you know your stuff" kind of movies? Genndy Tartakovsky is a mainstream name in animation, even if you don't know the name, you know Samurai Jack, you know his work on Dexter's Lab, you know Hotel Transylvania, he's not a name like Richard Williams or Rob Renzetti, he is probably up there with Walt Disney and Stephen Hillenburg. Him making an adult animated feature, one that reportedly is not tame at all, is actually very good to help destigmatize animation. Even if the movie isn't good (Though I've heard good things about it), it does say to other animators that they don't have to be stuck in these holes they are put it, they can experiment, leave their comfort zone, and get notoriety for it.

I actually think it's kind of refreshing to see Genndy Tartakovsky go in this direction, and I do think that "Fixed" is a good thing on the art side of animation. Of course, on the business side, "Fixed" is probably going to be a nightmare, with studios green lighting more animated features that have adult content, but miss the point of what made them liked in the first place. We can, and should, celebrate the artistic achievement while dreading and criticizing the corporate directions that will come of things.

Anyway, those were my thoughts on the matter, again, whether the movie is good or not, and again I've heard good things, I do think that "Fixed" is important to animation as a whole, and also trailers suck, but that's a topic for another time. 

Movie Review: The Pebble and the Penguin (1995): There's a really good movie in here

Well... hiatus was fun, but I want to get back to what this blog was meant to be about, exploring the vast world of animation, experiencing the weird, wonderful and creative works that such a wonderful medium can bring us. When it comes to wonderful, there are very few names to make that word synonymous with animation as Don Bluth, a former Disney animator striking off on his own in the 80s, he made movies that not only rivalled Disney, but in many cases usurped Disney's throne. The Secret of NIMH and The Land Before Time are fantastic movies that define the medium and show that not all amazing animation has to come from Disney. So what happened in the 90s? In my review of Rock-A-Doodle, I posited the idea that the movies that Don Bluth wanted to make became more passe in the Disney Renaissance and someone pushed him to adapt to the changing landscape of the 90s, and what followed was some of his... more odd film making attempts. Case in point, The Pebble and the Penguin. Why does that line sound so familiar?

The Pebble and the Penguin follows Hubie, an Adélie Penguin who falls in love with a girl named Marina, and wishes to propose to her with a pebble, however he gets tossed aside by another penguin who has eyes for Marina, a big, hulking obviously designed to be the villain penguin named Drake. Hubie must travel across miles of ocean with a new friend, a Rockhopper Penguin named Rocko, to return to the island before Drake can marry Marina, or she gets banished by law. Overall, I'd say the story is... halfway solid. There is an idea here, and it does almost work. What is the biggest flaw? I guess it would be that it's a bit too formulaic, but it's not too bad in that regard. Obvious tropes like the "friends squabbling only to make up later" and the "Fake Out Death" are here, but for a kids movie, the plot isn't all that bad. I guess it could have probably benefited from fleshing out a few things, like for the most part we completely forget about Marina and Drake save for little snippets before the climax.

Maybe it would have been nice to spend more time with the characters, because they have some charm to them. Hubie is a shy but good-hearted guy, and it might just be that I am soft for this kind of character, but I can't hate him, plus he kicks a leopard seal in the face, that's pretty awesome. Marina is kind of bland, but to be fair, they do give a little moment to explain why she likes Hubie, I love it when the unrequited crush is not actually completely unrequited, and it's clear from the get-go that Marina does actually like Hubie. Really, the worst character in the movie is sadly the villain, Drake, who is just a bland and boring entitled jerk, like come on, I don't need uncomfortably buff Penguin version of Gaston. Sadly, it does not help that he is voiced by Tim Curry, and as much as I love Tim Curry, something about this performance didn't quite work, Tim Curry works as the slimy and sinister evil, not really the pompous and arrogant evil. He is more Maleficent brand evil and less Cruella brand.

This is not to say that the voice acting is subpar, for the most part there are some good talents here. Shani Wallis is the narrator and she does have that voice for it, Jim Belushi as Rocko is pretty good casting, and Annie Golden as Marina was actually really good. Plus, there are cameo appearances by names like Will Ryan, B. J. Ward, Pat Musick, Maggie Roswell, and Scott Bullock who is known for his role as Hades in Kid Icarus: Uprising. Really, it is just Martin Short and Tim Curry who I don't fully gel with, Martin Short as Hubie does feel like good casting, he does have a voice that fits the kind of pathetic but lovable character Hubie is, I guess I just can't separate him from B.E.N. from Treasure Planet, which would come out about seven years later.

Then we have the songs, and the songs are absolutely, complete, one-hundred and ten percent okay. They're fine. I'm probably not going to be humming them, except for the Good Ship Misery song, and Tim Curry's villain song is sadly one of the less good songs in the movie, though least good might go to Martin Short and Jim Belushi's duet. I might flip flop on which one is the worst. Really, the biggest problem is just that the songs are just kind of... there. They fill their purpose and do nothing beyond that. I could imagine a soundtrack by Alan Menkin or Elton John, but instead we got Barry Mannilow. Well, I can think of worse people to get for the music of this movie.

Then we have the animation, and if you want a drinking game that will leave you with a hangover that makes you wish alcohol was banned, take a shot every time you notice an animation error in this movie. I've caught a few, characters in the background being frozen, which also happens during song sequences where they should be singing along in, in some cases you might find unfinished animation, I even think Hubie's hat was coloured incorrectly once. That being said, when the animation is actually animated it is pretty good. Don Bluth is a fantastic animator, and while I don't think this is as good as his early stuff, honestly there are times I think it gets close, like within earshot of something like Secret of NIMH. Really, I get the feeling this movie was rushed for a deadline, and if it had more time to get ironed out, this could have been Don Bluth's best movie since the 1980s instead of his least bad movie of his flop era.

Really that is the biggest problem with The Pebble and the Penguin, instead of being his best movie in a while, it's his least bad movie of a bunch, and that is a darn shame. The movie just needed some more time to iron out the wrinkles, mostly in the script and animation. I get why people can be nostalgic about this movie, I see it, I see a really good movie in here, it's just a shame we didn't get that. I'd actually really like to see an early draft script for this movie because I really do wonder what this movie could have been. Imagine a remake with rewritten songs and more time to flesh out the characters but with the same, or similar traditional animation. Still, I should focus on what we have instead of what could have been, and what we have is alright, like I wouldn't mind showing this to kids, I know the endorsement of "There are worse movies" is not a very... high endorsement, but still, I can't see this movie causing any harm.

The Amazing Digital Cricus Episode 5 Left me Thinking, this isn't Pomni's Story at all, is it?

So, as a lot of readers may be aware, I am a big fan of the GLITCH Productions series, The Amazing Digital Circus. The aesthetic of the animation and artstyle mixed with the charming and lovable characters really won me over immediately from the pilot, and I, as many others were, was hooked on where the story would go from there. It went places, needless to say, and the latest episode, Episode 5: Untitled, is so far the most... "Places" the show has gone so far.

Episode 5 is where things get really... for want of a better word, real. The show has been real before, but this is where we really get to piece things together. Episode 5 is an episode that will leave you confused about how to feel, but also certain as Hell about what to feel. This is one of those episodes, and I think it largely changes the direction of where the show is going, or our perception of where the show is going.

Ever since the pilot, everyone was damn sure that this story largely about Pomni, how she adjusts to the circus, how she relates to the others, and possibly how she abstracts. Yet, Episode 5 seems to shift the narrative. Pomni is still our main character, but this does not seem to be her story, at least not entirely her story. Episode 5 focuses on Pomni's relationship with Jax and Ragatha, and we learn two important things about them.

With Jax, what we learn is implied, but heavily so. When Ragatha tells Pomni that Jax doesn't have friends "Anymore", it becomes clear who Jax is and why is does what he does. At his core, Jax is afraid, he is a scared little bunny, what is he afraid of? Losing the people he cares about. He's pushing people away so when they do abstract, it doesn't hurt so much. "Let them fall face down if they must die, making it easier to say goodbye". We see Jax look at a door with a crossed out face on it during Caine's intermission. Was this one of Jax's friends? It does seem that he is warming up to Pomni, why is that? Well, I have a theory, but before we look at that, let's look at Ragatha.

What we learn about Ragatha is much more stated, though still largely implied. It is implied in the fact that it is not directly stated to the audience. Ragatha did not have a particularly caring mother, and this is probably why she is the way she is. Where Jax is a nuisance because he doesn't want to be hurt, Ragatha is positive to a toxic degree because she also doesn't want to be hurt, she said it herself in Episode four. "I like, hate you, but I don't want you to hate me." In essence, she is trying to be the one that everyone likes, but this ends up pushing everyone away. She will bottle up her feelings in order to protect herself, and it's only hurting her more.

Ragatha is a rag doll, obvious statement, but what does that mean? Dolls and plushies are popular children's toys, because for a lot of children, they were a source of comfort, a friend that wouldn't judge you or tell you to "Grow up". A friend that was always there for you when you needed them. A friend that Ragatha needs. Similarly, Jax is a rabbit. One may see him as the next version of the "Trickster Rabbit" archetype, like I myself have, but now we see something different with him. Jax is scared, he is a small animal made tall, he is putting on a show to deter predators, or in this case, abstraction.

This is in no way absolving Jax of his actions, by the way. Fandom notoriously has an issue with forgiving male characters for their wrong-doings because of one singular thing. How the fandom is treating Jax is reminding me about... a character from the Sad Wizard Lady's books. I mean, the two are absolutely irredeemable people, but they have one mildly tragic part of their backstory and all is forgiven? Just because we now know why he is pushing people away does not change the fact that he is still doing the things he is doing. Just wanted to Snape, I mean snipe that point before it came up.

Pomni is a jester, not a clown, the distinction is important. Jester's were more than just entertainers, they were also trusted messengers, and were allowed to speak freely without punishment in many cases. To put my theory bluntly, this story is not about Pomni, this story is about everyone else. The show begins with Pomni arriving at the circus because she is the catalyst for change. She is the one who is breaking down the barriers between all the characters, and she is doing so by letting them be honest, listening to them, and doing the things she can to help them.

Pomni saw Gangle and offered to take closing duties for her. She was with Kinger and listened as he talked about his wife. She has broken through to Jax, and seems to be making Ragatha confront a part of herself she doesn't like. Pomni is the main character of the show, but this story is not really about her. The Amazing Digital Circus is really all about the other people in the circus, which makes me wonder... how is Pomni going to get through to Caine, can she get through to Caine?

Gooseworx said that the message of The Amazing Digital Circus is that "there is meaning to be found in a stagnant life". All of this makes me wonder, and kind of reminds me of the Gregory Horror Show. I kind of expect this show to end similar to the first season of that show, something expected but haunting. Untitled was a good episode that makes one shift their perspectives on what they thought they knew. We knew this was Pomni's story, but now it seems like it's really about someone else, or something else. One has to wonder if the circus is changing because of Pomni, if she is bridging the gaps between the others and their previous lives.

Also, because I have nowhere else to put this, I absolutely have to make this observation, Jax and Zooble are trying to out each other without outing each other.

Top 20 Worst Cartoon Theme Songs

So... I've been working on a... certain project. One that involves a lot of heavy and uncomfortable subject matter, and needs a lot of careful wording. It also is a lot of condensing really large stories into a couple of paragraphs, and one story is still kinda sorta ongoing. The bulk of that project is written, and as you can imagine it has taken a lot out of me... So let's do something fun.

Everybody loves theme songs, catchy ones like DuckTales or SpongeBob, Iconic ones like The Flintstones or The Simpsons, epic ones like Batman: The Animated Series or King Arthur and the Knights of Justice, Popular shows like Rugrats and ThunderCats, obscure shows like Cybersix or C.O.W.Boys of Moo Mesa, great shows like Gravity Falls and Amphibia, terrible shows like Sonic Underground. The theme song really is like an advertisement to your show, it has to sell the show to the viewer before they even see the first episode, many theme songs do a great job of selling the show to the viewer while being a pleasant musical experience. We will not be talking about any of those theme songs today.

Some theme songs do not succeed in selling a show, some theme songs are bland, annoying, cringe-inducing, badly-written, badly-sung, incoherent, just all around poorly made. So of course the question now becomes, which ones are the worst? A question that lots and lots of others have discussed, and now I am going to throw my opinion in the ring. These are the worst, the most annoying, the unbearable cartoon theme songs, in English speaking languages that is.

#20. Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century

I like this show, I genuinely do, but I can absolutely see why it has fallen into obscurity. The show is very much nothing special and does have a bit of wasted potential as I have said before. I can also imagine viewers were probably turned off from the theme song. A trend you will notice among theme songs is that a lot of them like to repeat their names over and over again, granted I don't think you really need much explanation for the concept of a show titled "Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century", but that does not change the fact that the theme song is still the show's name repeated ad nauseam  over a weird techno house club beat. There are a lot of theme songs that would have benefited from just being instrumental, but don't let that dissuade you from checking out the show, just be prepared to grab that remote when the "Skip Intro" button appears.

 

#19. Potato Head Kids

 

They gave a cartoon to everything in the 80s, didn't they? I really don't want to be too hard on this one, frankly I didn't even want to put it on the list. Nothing about these theme song is inherently terrible, the lyrics are bland and tell us nothing, and the music is kind of standard for the time, those don't help matters but they really are not "top 20" worthy. However, leniency only stretches so far, and having the main cast sing the song is what warrants the placement on this list. Whoever thought these voices were good enough to sing a theme song, they are wrong and if nobody had a better idea for a theme song than that is very sad.

 

#18. Hong Kong Phooey

You might wonder, how far back do "bad" theme songs go. Surely someone has been complaining about how bad music and lyrics were for television theme songs as far back as the 1960s, but for the purposes of this list, we're only going as far back as the 1970s, 1974 to be exact. It starts with a spoken dialogue bit that is meant to build interest but is just kind of slow, and when it does get to the theme song, it's just kind of bland until around the fifty second mark when they just make a bunch of noises that vaguely sound like kung fu noises... I guess? I dunno, something about this show just rubs me the wrong way.

 

#17. Shirt Tales

I think I've found the most boring theme song in the world, seriously. There are three main parts to this theme song, the introduction, the role-call and the title drop, they do this twice and the lyrics are about as generic as you possibly can get. It's all "Who do you call when you're in trouble" stuff, which only makes me want to listen to "Ghostbusters" which at least has that iconic keyboard riff. The role call isn't really good either, it's like they're trying to keep in beat but just can't quite keep up. Also, poor Bogey is always the last one to be named, justice for Bogey.

 

#16. Super Duper Sumos

Hey, another theme song that repeats it's name over and over again. Okay, that is a bit unfair, there are other lyrics just shouted at you. Otherwise it's just "Super Duper Sumos" and how they got guts and big butts... which is a pun and a butt joke. Having "Guts" means that they are brave, courageous, risk-taking, but they're also fat, so they have a massive gut. I am not worried about explaining the joke here, it wasn't funny to begin with.

 

#15. Mighty Ducks: The Animated Series

Believe it or not, "Ducks Rock" is not the reason this song is on the list. What puts this theme song on the list is that it is some of the worst sounding "Trying to be hip" music I've ever heard. The show premiered in late 1996, so what kind of music should we make our theme song to interest the youths of the time? I know, out of date Glam Rock, and let's get the guy who sang "We Built This City" to sing it. I can think of worse combinations, I guess. In 1996, Alt Rock was the popular form of rock music, Glam Rock was so passe, and stuff like this is the reason why. Cheap Mötley Crüe sound-alikes aren't going to bring the genre back, especially since they weren't even doing their brand of Glam Rock by this time either, Generation Swine was released in 1997. Also, the theme song's title... It actually is "Ducks Rock"... give me Disco Duck anyway of the week.

 

14. Pickle & Peanut

It's just a list of things. The bulk of this theme song is literally just a monotone voice listing off items over a (trap?) beat before "singing" the title of the show. Is it really that easy to write a theme song? let me try.

Pens, cap guns, grapes, erasers, lip balm, duct tape, hey!
Rope, candles, weights, newsprint, aloe, spice mix, yum!

There, that's the theme song to my brand new show, Joe and the Henway, coming to streaming in 8995 AD. Enjoy.

 

13. Pokémon: DP Battle Dimension

Okay, hot take, but Diamond and Pearl is not the worst theme song Pokémon ever had. It is a cringe-inducing attempt at rap, but you know what's worse? The Battle Dimension theme song. Believe it or not, I've always found this theme song worse than Diamond and Pearl's rap, but I couldn't quite figure out why. I assumed it's because of the pillowy-soft music, but on closer inspection I think I know the real reason; this song doesn't feel like a Pokémon theme song. The lyrics are all "brave and strong" and "We can be heroes and change the world" and I'm thinking, "What does this have to do with Pokémon?" When did Pokémon become a generic magical girl anime?

 

12. Breadwinners and Angela Anaconda

I'm putting these two theme songs together because they both have one major problem, and they're both really short.

Breadwinners is the most recent show, so I'll start with that. The instrumentation of this show is obnoxious, it's like dubstep from people who don't know what dubstep sounds like. Not that the lyrics are much better, but it's basically lazy puns (get it, Quazy! Because they're ducks!) and juvenile humour. Really though, it's blessedly short, and that would grant it some leniency, but there was another theme song that was very similar.

Angela Anaconda's big problem is the singing, this girl can't sing. I wonder if this was intentional, like the director said to the voice actress, "alright, we want you to imagine the worst singing voice for your character". This song also has similar issues with lyrics, it's just kind of a nothing sandwich, it's "This is me, this is my show" and nothing else of substance. Between the two of them, I think Angela Anaconda's is worse, but I find them similar enough to warrant making this entry a tie, and it won't be our only one.

 

11. Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island

I think I actually wanted to leave this song off the list, not because I have any fondness for it, but because... it's biggest issue is that it's just kind of confused. What does this theme song want to be? A tropical thing? Something with sci-fi tones? A theme song that shouts it's name over and over again? An instrumental? Something with beat-boxing? This theme really is just the definition of "Throw everything at the wall and see what sticks". Also, never end a theme song to any show with the main character saying "Yay Me!".

 

10. Kung Fu Dino Posse

Another theme song that kind of has no clue what it wants to be, so it does all three weird genres. Generic superhero introduction, cringe rap theme and... epic Broadway choir? The rap part of the theme song is so horribly sung, like the singer is intentionally putting on as nasally a voice as they can, and it has some of the worst jokes you've ever heard, like hilariously mispronouncing the word "pterodactyl". Really, the only reason this show is not higher on the list is because... really who cares? Nobody cares about a show called Kung Fu Dino Posse... note to self, make a blog post about Kung Fu Dino Posse.

 

9. Rugrats 2021 and The Magic School Bus Rides Again

Yep, another shared entry, reboots with remade versions of the original theme songs that are infinitely worse.

Rugrats 2021 decided that it would be a good idea to add a buzzing synth to the start of the theme song, seriously, why did they pick the fuzziest, most unlistenable synth sound they could have picked for this theme song? At the very least, the song becomes tolerable after that, not necessarily good, but tolerable.

The same cannot be said for The Magic School Bus Rides Again, which decided that Little Richard needed to be replaced by Lin-Manuel Miranda. Look, I don't hate Lin-Manuel, he's done stuff I liked and has been in things I really liked, but he just missed the mark for this theme song. A lot of the punch and tight performance from Richard is replaced with trailing off on certain lines, so a line like "Raft a River of Lava" has the final syllable elongated for no reason. Honestly, I could have mistaken this for a Will.i.am cover at points.

Sometimes remaking the theme song for a show can lead to good results, there are lots of people who will argue the 2017 DuckTales theme song is better than the 1987 DuckTales theme song. Really though, that may be the exception rather than the example, because if these two theme songs prove anything, it's that the originals are often untouchable.

8. Hammerman

Hello easy target. Yeah, you all knew this was going to make the list, and you all know the reasons why it was going to make the list. If by some blessed miracle you don't know, seriously thank every god you do and do not believe in if you have not heard this theme song. It's almost so bad it's good, but the crushing length is what brings it down to just being "bad", and you wouldn't think that if you looked it up online, one minute and nineteen seconds, that's a bit on the lengthy side but it's still pretty standard for a cartoon theme song. It's not that the song itself is long, it's that it details every single part of the origin story, straight up to even explaining "Gramps opened up the bag and took out the magical shoes". It drones on giving you every detail of an origin that would have, and should have been shown in the first episode. But again, you knew all that.

 

7. Mew Mew Power and One Piece

 

This is the last shared entry here, and you probably knew these were coming too. Hello 4Kids, nice to see you here. 4Kids is notorious for terrible dub jobs that made anime "more appropriate for children" by which they mean they made everything Americanized and ruined a lot of anime. It didn't help that a lot of their dubs came with awful theme songs.

Mew Mew Power is probably the better of the two here, in that I can see people liking it, but that doesn't mean I get it. This is one of the most generic sounding theme songs in existence, literally any anime could have the lyrics "Team up 'cause it's not too late/We can save the day if we collaborate", I think those were from the scrapped lyrics bin for Sailor Moon... no that's too harsh, Sailor Moon's writers didn't even consider writing those lines. Funny enough, for the theme song to a show called "Mew Mew Power" they really don't have any cat related imagery in the lyrics, they mention birds though! Also, "It's hard to save the world when you're falling in love"? This is a Magical Girl Anime!

Of course, you're not here because of Mew Mew Power, you're here for the infamous, the notorious, the cringe inducing, One Piece rap. I mean, I guess the only thing I have to ask is... why? Why did they decide that an adventure anime about a rubber pirate needed a rap theme song? Really, this is just adding insult to injury, it's like "Ha ha, we're gonna censor the anime to the point that it has no bite to it, remove several episodes and change the story to this anime, and we're also going to give it the worst theme song we possibly could give it."

This is why 4Kids went defunct in... 2017? Really?

6. RoboCop: Alpha Commando

I think the real tragedy of this theme song is that it opens really good. It's got that vibe to it that would totally fit a cyberpunk setting, really if this track was an instrumental, it probably would have been a theme song that people remember fondly. Unfortunately, they had to include lyrics. This is another theme song that has to shout the name of the show for the duration of the theme song... except it doesn't even do that, it just shouts "RoboCop" a bunch of times and hopes that you're find it cool. RoboCop is one of my favourite movies, the satire is still wildly relevant and the action scenes are perfectly bloody, and I guarantee you, adding this theme song to any action scene in the movie, makes it ten times funnier. It's not a good thing, but if you want a good laugh...

 

5. High Guardian Spice

Ladies, gentlemen and everyone outside the binary, I present to you, the literal most generic theme song you will ever hear. Fun fact, I initially put this theme song on my shortlist as a joke. Like I knew it wasn't going to be good, but like I thought it would be Honourable Mentions material at worst. I mean, how bad can it possibly be? Oh... oh dear god... it was bad. I had such a negative reaction hearing this theme song, it says nothing about the show, it says nothing about the characters, it has no identity outside of being tied to... High Guardian Spice... I should have guessed that one of the most generic animated shows of all time would get one of the most, actually no, the most generic theme song of all time. This theme song is so generic it actually makes me mad, like Pickle & Peanut was befuddling, Mew Mew Power was boring, this is actually aggravating. Remind me to watch this entire thing for another blog post in the future.

 

4. The Nutshack

It's the nutshack... it's the nutshack... it's the nutshack... it's the nutshack...

That is the first half of this theme song, just repeating those three words over and over again, until we get another bad rap theme song that is either so poorly sung, so poorly mixed, or both, that it is legit impossible to understand what is being said without using a lyrics sheet to follow along. This is another theme song that has achieved infamous status and memedom, this theme song is so bad, it actually falls into "So bad it's good" territory, because I don't think I have ever heard a theme song this incompetent before. Clearly this is the second worst example of a theme song that sings the title of the show on repeat until it ends... what is the worst?

 

3. Dragon Ball Z

Apparently, this is the Canadian version of the intro, because why did Canada need it's own intro to Dragon Ball Z? Did America just not want to share it's dub intro? Whatever the case, this is another theme song that so bad it's good, because legit, this is hilarious. It's the plainest sounding guys singing "Dragon Dragon Ball" followed by what I can only describe as an "epic toy commercial voice" sings "Dragon Ball Z" for the duration of the theme song, save for one bit in the middle where they sing "Rock the Dragon/Dragon Ball Z", I am genuinely surprised this hasn't fallen into Memedom like The Nutshack theme has. If you're wondering why this is higher on the list than The Nutshack, it's because The Nutshack theme song has actual lyrics. Cybersix this really is not.

2. The Brothers Flub

Finally, the last obvious entry on this list. Come on, as soon as you hear the words "Worst Theme Songs" the first three words you immediately think of are "The" and "Brothers" and "Flub" specifically in that order. This theme technically doesn't count as an instrumental theme, but that's only because the lyrics to this song are literally just "Flub flub flub flub flub!" sang over the most annoying "la-la-la" you will ever hear. I think the only reason this theme song has instrumentation is because some producer had enough common sense to realize that the A Capella la-la flubbing would probably make people go deaf by the desire to cut their ears off with rusty hedge trimmers. it may also explain why they try to drown out the theme song with constant obnoxious noises. I refuse to believe that nobody behind this theme song thought it was a bad idea, someone had to realize that this was awful, but either didn't care or didn't want to throw away all the hard work they put into making this. The only real question is, why the heck is this not number one?

 

1. The Adventures of Kid Danger

I think this is it, the worst cartoon theme song in the world, it is poorly sung, lazily written, has obnoxious dialogue in the middle for no reason... yep, calling it now, this is the worst. it ticks off all the boxes for a bad theme song. Bad lyrics? "This is the song for the Adventures of Kid Danger", I think that counts as a yes. Annoying? Absolutely. Cringe-inducing... You know what, yes, it is cringe inducing. It makes me cringe that anyone thought that this was okay. Like, on some level, Brothers Flub is at least memorable, you're never going to forget it no matter how many spork lobotomies you receive. You might think that would make it worse, but at the very least the "Flub" singing was listenable. This is unlistenable in every aspect. One may argue that it isn't the most bad, but I'd counter by arguing that it is the least good, I can literally make a defence for every other theme song on this list before this one, yes even One Piece, even Coconut Fred, even The Brothers Flub. This is the worst cartoon theme song, and it wasn't even close.

 

Honourable Mentions:

Mega Babies - I mean... barring the bodily noises I'd dare say this one almost sounds pleasant. It's like a tolerable version of The Brothers Flub.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz - I was so tempted to throwing this one on the list, it's just another pillowy soft cloud of nothing, but I guess it kinda sorta fits with the show.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power - After High Guardian Spice I realize that I was way too harsh with my initial disdain for this theme song... that doesn't make it good though.

Pac-Man - It's an arcade having a seizure before someone growls "Pac-Man" twice. It's not on the list because I only barely consider it a theme song.

Shaggy and Scooby-Doo, Get a Clue! - Heh heh heh... what a bunch of nonsense. I don't think this is the worst, but uh... yeah it is worthy of disdain.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - I left this one off the list solely because it absolutely is the kind of music that Bill and Ted would be all over. It's like if Jay and Silent Bob had a cartoon and the theme song was just stoned mumbling over a Morris Day esque beat, how mad can you really be at that?

Fanboy and Chum Chum - This one was left off the list because it very clearly intended on being annoying... it just failed at being annoying properly.

The Wacky World of Tex Avery - Gross and Annoying... what a winning combo...

My Gym Partner's a Monkey - You know, this show would be a horrible title if it wasn't absolutely literal.

Movie Review: Dinosaur Adventure - The WORST Animated Feature Ever

So, you might have noticed I'm not doing a lot of Movie Reviews this year. Basically, I've found that I enjoy writing editorials more and they get more views so I decided to step away and take a break from movie reviews. Really, it's a good thing though because after a hundred reviews you kind of start to run out of ways to say things like "This animation is Bad" or "These characters aren't interesting", so really editorials are just easier to write as well. I mean, is there any kind of animation that is so abysmal, so poorly-constructed, so infamous that it could not only reinvigorate my need to be a critic, but also offend me on such a deep level that I can actually be pissed off at what is ultimately an inoffensive and mostly harmless movie? I mean, what kind of movie would exist that is both harmless and completely offensive? It would have to be something so cheap, so poorly made, so transparently blatant that I would have no choice but to review it, but a movie like that could never exist right? Every one who works in any artistic field has to have some amount of love and passion for what they do, even if it doesn't always end up with a good product. Anyway, this is my review of the Dingo Pictures movie Dinosaur Adventure.

And yes this movie qualifies for a review, it's a "technically" review since the movie is under an hour, but over forty minutes.

This is usually where I would recount the plot. So, a young dinosaur hatchling is forced to go to a dinosaur class where they learn that a volcano is about to erupt and destroy their homeland. Nobody believes the teacher, and then the volcano erupts and destroys their homeland, so the last half of the movie is the dinosaur hatchling, their teacher and another friend looking for dinosaur survivors, including the hatchling's parents. Pretty basic plot right? It is, and you know what else it is? So very ungodly boring. Like I was watching this movie with a friend, and I was zoning out so many times because the movie was just so boring, not that it does any good to zone out because by my friend's words, the movie is full of the characters standing around and doing nothing but talking, very little is shown to progress the plot, everything has to be explained verbally. If you are not paying any attention, or you don't have any audio because you're watching this over a Discord call, you might miss some information. Granted most of the information is absolute filler, but you might miss something.

Of course, you may also miss something because of the awful audio mixing and voice acting. I have heard awful voice acting before, but Dingo Pictures productions really take the cake. It really does sound like they pulled random people out of their offices, gave them one take to record something and didn't bother giving them any directions. It also hurts a lot that a lot of the actors speak so softly that they are almost whispering sometimes, it is not too bad in this movie, Animal Soccer World is far worse in that regard because the voice tracks absolutely get drowned out by the music track in that one, but second worst is not that much better. Speaking of Animal Soccer World, the music is lifted right out of that animation. I bet they reuse that music in other productions too, because why bother getting a cheap keyboard at a second-hand store and futzing about on it?

I will give the movie this over Animal Soccer World, it looks somewhat, maybe even partially better. The animation is horrible, some characters look traced from other properties (Cough, The Land Before Time, Cough), some character designs are just absolutely baffling, lip-sync is almost non-existent, There is a scene with a realistic dinosaur skeleton just photoshopped into the environment, movement is stilted, and sometimes the characters heads just vibrate because... animating laughter is hard. However, everything in this movie mostly looks like it belongs, you're not going to get a dalmatian and a jungle panther standing next to a duck biker gang for instance. Still, that may be a knock against this movie because it is absolutely nothing special to look at, like most of the scenes are filled with nothing and are completely barren to look at. Animal Soccer World at least, I can't believe I'm writing this, retained some interest, even if that interest was just by wondering what could be stranger than an anthropomorphic bird in a trench coat or cheerleader pigs.

I mean, you knew all this right? This movie and company are notorious thanks largely to memes. They are worse than Golden Films, WowNow Entertainment, The Asylum, arguably even worse than Vídeo Brinquedo. Is that really fair though? It's not like they're making anything that is genuinely harmful or offensive, they just make cheap kids movies right? Wrong, they make cheap, soulless, transparent cash grab kids movies. I'm fairly certain showing this movie to children counts as child abuse and a violation of the Geneva Convention, and I'm not even being facetious when I say that because watching this movie was torture. I Have never had such an unpleasant movie viewing experience in a long time, and the fact that this movie is just a transparent attempt to swindle people into buying a movie because it looks like another movie, or has something that kids might like on the cover. That is what offends me, that they could not even pretend to care about the movie they were making.

I have said it before that I have less respect for those kind of "-Lite" knock-offs, you know movies like The Swan Princess or Quest for Camelot, movies which are very clearly knock-offs but they have a budget and are released theatrically. I said that I have less respect for those movies than direct-to-video mockbusters, largely it is an elitism thing, I think that there is more meaning and prestige to a movie that gets released theatrically and putting a prettied up mockbuster in theatres is just kind a waste. The truth is I don't really have respect for either, but direct-to-video releases are easier to ignore. Still, I think this might be the least respectable movie I've ever seen, it is also the least good, least entertaining and least redeemable movie I have ever seen. The mere existence of this movie offends me, which is not something I can say about The Misty Green Sky, yes, this movie is worse than The Misty Green Sky. At least that movie had ambition, ideas, I'd even argue passion. Do I even need to say it? This movie gets the rating of "AVOID".

And I didn't even watch the Italian version with the "Yee" meme, I watched the English dub!