You know how I said 2022 was a mediocre year for animated movies? How they were all kinda same-y in quality and nothing really stood out? 2023 was almost a complete opposite year, it started off very strong, the first half of the year was some of the strongest animated films of the decade, and then... they just stopped. I'll admit I didn't get around to watching a lot of movies this year, which is evident with the lack of First Impressions blogs I did, but even with some of the movies I did see, like... what is there to say about them? So, this list isn't the "Worst" worst of the year, but it's the ones I think are the weakest, and the top three are genuinely awful movies. Would this list be more accurate if I watched more movies? Absolutely, but it's actually kind of getting harder to watch movies now, I mean theatres are still expensive, and streaming has basically become the new cable, and good piracy sites are, you know I don't want to say they're impossible to find but I'll be damned if anyone makes it easy, and no that is not an invitation for anyone to give me recommendations. Watching a movie is slowly becoming what playing video games was in the 2010s, an expensive hobby that you almost need a spreadsheet to keep track of everything, I mean how is trying to keep track of what game is coming out with what bonuses on what release on what system any different than what movie is releasing on what streaming service?
You know what I miss? I miss 2022, yeah, 2022 had a slew of massive releases, and not all of them were good, but I'll be damned if they weren't interesting. Like, DreamWorks making a sequel to such a nothing movie and that sequel being one of the best god damn movies of the year? Netflix actually hitting multiple home runs with really amazing releases? Pixar making a movie that every one lost their minds over in both good and bad ways? That blazing saddles for kids movie finally being released? A stop motion mockumentary? Henry Sellick and Jordan Peele collaborating? I'll even throw a bone to Luck, yeah, god damn Luck. Like 2022's line-up wasn't spectacular, but it at least warranted interest, I look back at that line-up and I think, damn, I really did not give 2022 the time of day. You know I may think that about 2023 in the following years, but I doubt it.
Anyway, I've ranted enough, here's the list proper.
5. Wish
I liked Wish, I did. It was a fine fairy-tale movie that was good. Just good. Wish isn't on this list as a movie, it's more on this list because it is making me really worry about the quality of future movies. Strange World was boring, but Wish is a step in the right direction, but they didn't need to go in this direction because prior to Strange World, Disney released arguably their best movie in years, Encanto. Encanto was really good, but it just seems painfully obvious to me that nobody at Disney seems to understand why it was so good, and really I don't think I can explain either. Encanto was a movie I wasn't expecting to be as good as it was, Strange World is a movie I was expecting to be better than it was, Wish is a movie I expected it to be exactly as good as it was, better than Strange World, not as good as Encanto, it reached for good, but it could have been great.
There are so many people talking about how Wish could have been improved, make it 2D, use original plans and have the star be the lead's love interest, ditch all the references, but really there is only one thing I can suggest to make it great, actually have it take one-hundred years to make. No really, if they actually took a full century to make this movie, it could have been so fascinating, but it genuinely only feels like they called this "A hundred years in the making" just as a marketing gimmick, like "Oh, this movie was made out of scrapped plans from the early days of Disney", well it doesn't feel like it, it feels like an excuse to make as many Disney references in two hours as you can, that isn't a movie, that is me at trivia night.
I want to reiterate I did like this movie, but I don't think I liked it enough to want to actively watch it again.
4. Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken
From a movie I did like, to a movie I really so desperately want to like. Ruby Gillman is a movie with so much potential, so much good qualities, so much it could have been... but what did we end up getting? A movie that is weaker than the sum of its parts.
I talked about this in my First Impressions blog and my blog where I compared it to Elemental, but it bears repeating, Ruby Gillman desperately needed a re-write so that they could flesh out the actually interesting elements. They wanted Turning Red, but they also wanted The Princess Diaries, but they also wanted to be Luca, but they also wanted to be-Just pick a god damn movie you want to be!
I gave this movie a full First Impressions blog because, I really needed to gather my thoughts about it, and even now I'm still not sure if I actually dislike it. Maybe I just don't want to dislike it because I would love to see this world and these characters fully fleshed out, but the problem with that is, first I want to know how being a Kraken hiding amongst humans is really affecting Ruby and her family. How does having a crush on a human affect her relationship with her parents? How does living out of the sea affect how they view themselves and their own kin? Well guess what, none of this will ever get explored now because the movie flopped and was pulled from theatres rather quickly. DreamWorks was scared this movie was gonna tank and be a money pit and they pulled it rather than take a risk like Disney and Pixar did. You know, I didn't even think Elemental was all that great, but I have to respect that they took a risk in extending that movie's theatrical run.
This was probably Dreamwork's biggest waste of potential since they stopped making 2D movies.
3. Toopy and Binoo: The Movie
I mean... you didn't need me to say this movie sucks right? It's Toopy and Binoo, a toddler's franchise that nobody likes. If Franklin or Blue's Clues got a theatrical movie, that would make sense, people like those franchises beyond the fact that it keeps their children quiet for half an hour, but Toopy and Binoo? I mean it ain't Caillou, but it sure as Hell ain't Blue's Clues.
The big problem is really the characters, they were all really annoying and not entertaining to watch, and they didn't go through a relatable nor even a visible arc. It's just, one scene these two are cowards, the next they're not anymore. One scene this character is a stuck-up B-word, the next she isn't. Like, it really is just a... not pleasant movie to watch. These character's don't really improve on their own, and it's not fun to watch. Honestly, I think a Caillou movie would be better, there would at least be something to talk about. Then again, it would probably be more difficult to watch, so... careful what you wish for I guess.
2. The Magician's Elephant
You know, even if I did watch this movie the week it was put onto Netflix, I doubt I'd have anything to say about it. I never read the book this movie is based off, so I can't say whether it's a good adaptation or not, but what I can say is that this movie is really boring.
I'm just not interested in anything that's happening, nothing left a genuine impact, and I struggle to even remember what happened in the movie. The characters weren't that interesting, the setting wasn't that interesting, even the animation is boring, it looks so unspectacular and plain that you could have told me this was an Illumination movie, and trust me, that is an insult to Illumination. Really though, let's be real, this movie was just a movie they threw out to keep people somewhat invested until the actual good movies were being released. Netflix may have dropped the ball a couple times, but they did hit one major home run.
1. Mummies
How the Hell did nobody watch this movie? No seriously, I feel like I'm the only animated movie reviewer who did, Animated Antic, Cellspex, Saberspark? None of them talked about it, Saberspark only talked about after the movie left theatres, how did this squeeze under everyone else's radar? Somehow, nobody watched this movie, yet everyone did because it apparently made bank. Was there really nothing else to watch?
The worst thing is, I can't even say I'm that surprised in hindsight. When a movie is bad, people don't see it, and bad movies like Arctic Dogs, UglyDolls or Paws of Fury flop. However, when a movie is just "mediocre", people will see it because, well we want to watch A movie, but not really ANY movie. We're here to watch something to ignore the rest of the world and enjoy some snacks, we're not here to watch the greatest thing ever. Mummies is exactly the kind of movie that you watch because you want to watch something edgeless, tame and bland. It's not even offensively bad, it's not poorly put together, it's not phenomenally unpleasant, it's just a bad movie. It's so much of a nothing burger, that it's not even a spectacular list topper. Say what you will about The Ice Age Adventures of Buck Wilde, that was a spectacularly bad movie, that was a movie that could, and did, piss me off. The only thing that pisses me off about this movie, is how much it doesn't piss me off. Worst animated movie that I saw this year, easily. It is the least ambitious, least polished, least good animated movie I've seen all year.
No extra mentions this time, this year has kind of been a slow drizzle of animated content. Though, that Baby Shark movie would totally make this list if I could actually watch it somewhere, maybe people are trying to bury that movie's existence. Oh well, the line-up next year should be more interesting, yeah? Please?
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