First Impressions: The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge On The Run (2020)

2020 has been one Hell of a year, trust me it's been a ride for me as well, even as a non American, and honestly, I think one of the most sour things I had to accept was, well a lot of things, but relevant to this post is not being able to see the new SpongeBob movie in theatres.

Why does that hurt so much? Well, I have been a SpongeBob fan for literally my entire life. The first cartoon I remember watching was SpongeBob, and to this day SpongeBob is still one of my favourite shows and one of my favourite characters. I don't remember seeing the first SpongeBob movie in theatres (Though don't take my word on that one because I would have been six at the time), and I had no chance of seeing the second one in theatres on account of me being a broke high school student. In a way, it's kind of a Shakespearian tragedy of sorts that I have never officially been able to see one of my all time favourite franchises on the big screen. Yes, the movie is in theatres in Canada, where I live, but I'm not going to the theatre during the pandemic, so, no I have never been able to see any of the SpongeBob movies on the big screen with a crowd. It's sad, but that is what happens sometimes.

Well, the movie came to Netflix for other viewers so I was able to watch it and... I really want to like this movie.

Okay, so, it's almost the end of the year and I have a bunch of movies to watch for the end of the year, and some movies are still coming out so I don't really know how many I'll get done. I've seen some really bad animated movies like Pets United, Scoob! and the latest piece of garbage from that festering dumpster heap of a studio known as Vanguard, Fe@rLeSS_. So, with all of that under my belt, I can't be too hard on this movie, but... I'm sorry, it wasn't that good.

I think... I don't actually know what I think. It is often hard to pin-down what exactly makes SpongeBob good in the first place. For me, it's a really funny show that makes me feel like a young kid eagerly running for the TV again, even as an adult, a lot of the jokes and writing in SpongeBob is genuinely funny, and I'll admit there were some moments that made me laugh in this movie, I don't think they were as strong as the show's high points, but they were decently amusing. The problem is, those jokes were few and far between, not that any joke really fell hard or became cringey, but nothing really elicited much of a response from me.

The pros of this is that the movie doesn't really become unwatchable, but the downside is that the movie ends up being kinda boring. Let me explain with an example of the movie: The climax involves running through castle halls, SpongeBob and friends piloting a suit of armour like a Gundam, and said suit of armour falling out a window and the gang having to chase it down to catch it to save Squidward, I should not be thinking about skipping any part of that segment.

There is another weird scene where SpongeBob and Patrick are dreaming, they meet the head of Keanu Reeves inside of a tumbleweed, go into a saloon for pirate zombie cowboys who have a song number with Snoop Dogg, and they're being held prisoner by a demon played by Machete himself Danny Trejo. That was a more entertaining scene in the movie, but it still wasn't entertaining by that much.

The animation is kind of a mixed bag. On the one hand, it is bright and colourful and pretty to look at, for the most part. The other hand is that the CG models are not the best the characters have looked in CG, I mean, they have looked worse, but they didn't look that good, I think they looked better in the previous movie, Sponge Out of Water. Still, it wasn't the worst I've seen, after a movie like Fe@rLeSS_ any CG animation looks better... from big studios anyway, but it still didn't sit right with me.

It hurts that I don't like this movie, I actually really hate having to say all this, this movie had people who worked hard on it, and I have nothing but love and admiration for the late Stephen Hillenburg, and I have faith that the team behind this movie wanted to make something that he would have loved. I just, didn't love it myself. Could it have been worse? Yes, but it most certainly could have been better. I think at the end of the day, you're either going to enjoy it, or not, but not in the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas kind of way where that is the entire point, more in the Hazbin Hotel kinda way where it's most likely just not going to be your cup of tea.

If you love SpongeBob even more than I do, or think it's something you might enjoy, or even just want to kill an hour and a half with something that's not super serious, hey, give it a watch, you might get more out of it than me, and that's great. Who knows, maybe I'll find more out of it upon repeated viewings, hey it's a SpongeBob movie, I'm still gonna buy it on DVD when it comes out, I just don't think I'll watch it as much as the first or second movies. Still, depending on who you are, you might get more out of it than me, so I'll give it a slight recommendation.

The Swan Princess (1994) - A forgettable Disney-Lite affair with one glaring issue

Last month I looked at the Miramax cut of the movie The Thief and the Cobbler, I called it a poor attempt to ape Disney movies and an insulting re-edit of what could have been an incredible movie. Well, it got me to thinking about other movies of that caliber, movies that are obvious attempts at aping Disney while not being as good. You know these movies, the not exactly mockbuster but still obviously some level of knock off. Honestly, I probably have less of a respect for these kind of movies than genuine mockbusters, because mockbusters at the very least don't pollute the theatre with their undiluted awfulness. Still, these films were done by big studios, with pretty good budgets and were theatrically released, so they have a bit more of a leg to stand on than a movie like "A Car's Life" or "What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue", but still, these movies were ripping off Disney, and it isn't a coincidence that these movies were coming out in the nineties, when Disney was having it's renaissance. 1994 especially was not a good year to try this stunt because Disney would end up releasing the biggest animated movie of that decade, a little movie called The Lion King.

Getting back on topic, I was curious to check out other films of this variety, and one movie just got me interested, The Swan Princess. Why? Because I have my copies of Quest for Camelot and Anastasia in other places so this was the one I had on my shelf, so I decided to put it in and... I'm gonna be honest I kind of forgotten the movie already. I'm literally writing this just after having seen it and I'm struggling to remember anything about it.

Okay so, what is the plot? Well, this movie is loosely based on the Swan Lake ballet, which I've never seen. I'm not exactly a regular of stage productions, and my city doesn't really seem to have a lot in the way of theatre as far as I know. So, barring the ballet, the film focuses on Prince Derek, and Princess Odette. After Odette gets kidnapped by the evil sorcerer Rothbart... yes, Rothbart, seriously I come up with better names for my characters, Derek goes to prove his love and rescue her. But, she is cursed to turn into a swan, until the moonlight hits the lake she lives on and she'll turn into a human once again for a brief time. Then there is Rothbart's plan to get Derek to confess his love to the wrong princess, kill him and take over the kingdom and... you can tell I'm not giving this my A Game yes? Okay, real talk, plotwise the movie is fairly solid. I noticed no major plot holes or loops in logic, I guess the villain's plan could have been better explained, I mean, I get the whole "Get Derek to confess to the wrong princess" plan, but, how does it work? How does getting him to confess his love for a princess, to a woman disguised as said princess do anything? I mean, how about a throw-away line about him confessing to an impersonator, boom, and I'm not a screen writer.

I think the characters of this movie are... I mean they aren't bad, but they're very weak. Derek is your protagonist, he is not very interesting. Odette is kind of the same, after the first act, the movie just kind of forgets that she had any potential to be more than the princess character. Yes, she does things, but is she as good as say Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas? I shouldn't compare characters, but what happened to the Odette from the opening scene? The Odette that could outshine Derek in several areas? I kind of liked Rothbart, if only because he was kind of fun to watch. I didn't really care for the animal companions, and I think the only character I really liked was the valet character Rogers, I like dry sarcasm, I think it comes from watching British sitcoms like Blackadder and Red Dwarf. Over all, characters get a thumbs down from me.

But honestly, neither of those are what make this film bad, at the very least I'd rate this film a "Slight Recommendation" because I could see someone getting into the movie, but the one thing that took me out of the experience was the editing. The movie's editing was atrocious, some cuts were way too quick and there was one bit of pacing in particular that cemented the editing as what kills this movie. The scene where Derek meets Odette after having chased her down as a swan, they are so happy, and then in the blink of an eye it goes into "You can't stay" or "You have to leave" or whatever. They could not let the moment sink in before they had to move on to another moment. There is also a scene where one of the animals tries to pole vault over a moat, and it looks like some shots were missing there.

It is a shame because, just like with The Thief and the Cobbler, the animation isn't bad, okay it isn't as good as The Thief and the Cobbler, but it isn't terrible. It looks nice and has a nice colour palette, I noticed very few animation errors, one caught my eye but I'd have to watch the movie again to be really sure about it. I think my biggest issue with the animation is the moments where it looks too much like a Disney movie, even then the scenes still looked nice enough I could forgive someone overlooking it.

And since this is an animated movie for kids from the nineties... I'm gonna be honest the songs in this movie mostly suck. The opening song isn't bad, but it's not the best written song in the world. It's cute, and I could get behind it. The villain's song would have been fine if Rothbart's singing voice wasn't completely terrible, and the rest of the songs... God I can't even remember them. That is a big problem with this movie, it is just so forgettable. I saw it, and now I'm having trouble remembering exactly what was in the movie, quite frankly I don't even know how valid my criticisms are because this movie was just so forgettable.

The Swan Princess is a simple and mediocre Disney-Lite outing that is about as memorable as walking down the street and seeing nothing, and I have some great stories about weird things that happened while I was out walking. The songs are bland, the characters aren't anything special and the editing kills this movie like a Mortal Kombat fatality. I guess I could see some young children enjoying this movie, but if it were up to me I'd show them anything else instead, The Lion King, The Secret of NIMH, The Land Before Time, The Nightmare Before Christmas, heck, even The Thief and the Cobbler. That all being said, I don't think this movie is worth avoiding, it's not offensively awful or an insult to the medium I hold dear to my heart, it's just a bland and forgettable movie. So, I don't recommend it, but not to the level of avoiding it.